..entry luah perasaan..

tak minat dgn cerita masalah, jgn baca.
it's not worth ur time 

we must have an end to have a new beginning.




sbb tu ke aku masih takde new chapter?
sbb chapter yg lama still x habis.


talked to lil D abt us.
well not really talk, just texting.
tp x pnah dia nk involve dlm conversation yg begitu.


mungkin sbb it's very clear our end is approaching.
cuma tak tahu mcm mane mahu tamatkannya.
basically, it's only left couple of weeks for me to have a good chance of seeing him.
tp takde la sgt ade chance, even utk texting skarang pn susah.
nt lagi lah, juz during working hour, selain dr tu jgn mimpi.
so sangatlah clear mmg ni petunjuk yg we have to end this.


dia tnya, apa dia patut buat.
well, aku sendri pn da buat ape yg terdaya for the past 3 years.
smpai skrg nk buat ape pn da mati kutu.
he said mb kami perlu cut the conversation meeting etc.
hm da byk cut da sejak dlu.
dia ckp cuba dgn sepenuh hati.
kalau tnye aku, ape yg xpenah aku paksa diri utk biarkan dia happy?
dan dia ckp kami patut cuba.
after 3 yrs?
selepas 3 thn it definitely wont be easy.
sdgkn masa tahun pertama pun da susah nk dead, apetah lgi 3 thn.
it wud b effing hell to go through.
aku pnah byk kali minta dia pergi masa tahun pertama, masa perasaan ini tak berapa kuat. but he's still here.
dia byk kali tinggalkn aku, sakitkn aku masa tahun kedua sampai sekarang ble hati dh betul2 tetap. tp kami masih di sini.
sekarang penghalang besar sudah di depan mata, mmg patut benda ni kene berakhir.
bukan aku tak nak..sape sanggup tgk kesayangan hati tak gembira bila kehadiran kamu tak dperlukan.
sape sanggup tengok kesayangan hati miserable?
yes, aku sayang dia. tapi ramai org ckp, kte akan happy kalau our loved ones is happy.
so m trying to do this for myself n him.
well not trying, have to.
dr dlu aku paksa diri, maybe now i need to push myself harder.
i definitely gonna miss him n i wud definitely suffer.
but apa lagi nk buat?
i cant stay.
it's not my place.


mok, org minta maaf kehadiran org selama 3thn ni menyusahkn awk. i know u're gonna be much happier without me. hidup awk da ada sini, awk x perlukan org lagi. as much as i love u, as much as i hate not to have u around, but i know i should go. tp siapa nk dengar org nanges2 mlm2 ttg my bad day bila awak dh takde nnt? sape nk layan my stupid stories when u're not around? m gonna miss everything about u. everything. doakan org dapat seorang yg boleh gnti awak, seorang yg care ttg org lebih dr awak, seorang yg takkan tinggalkn org. doakn org jumpa jodoh sebagaimana u found yours n pray i would have a wonderful family like yours. seorang lelaki yg jadi suami org dan a great father mcmane awk pd aiman.


pies: definitely pathetic mode.